Sheiße & Saturdays

Sheiße & Saturdays

I’m settling down right now to watch the latest instalment in the British blockbuster of political theatre; Brexit of Bollocks – A Song of Sheiße and Saturdays. Having been an avid follower of this debacle of drama since season one: The Big Vote – What the Fuck Did You Think Was Going to Happen???

Way back in 2016 I was pretty confident that the referendum result was going to be for Leave. A mixture of decades of anti-EU sentiment peddled by the media, a desire to tell the political class to go and fuck themselves following years of the economy being in the gutter, and good old British Bigotry, made it a sure thing. I was pretty pissed off to be proven right but not really surprised.

As the drama following season one’s predictable conclusion unfolded over season after season I was always pretty confident in how each new chapter was going to end. I was, for the most part, right every time. With a cast of characters as inept as this it was always quite clear that a mix of self interest, clumsy and obvious politiking, and general fuck wittery would ensure that drama and farce would never tip over into tragedy. But then they sent in the clown and my confident belief in the bumbling incapability of the British political class was rather dented.

It was dented not because I thought that the clown was in some way a superior politician to the rest of the sorry bunch but rather that their sheer imbecility and/or self interest would ensure that some of them would be likely to vote for the deal brought back by the floppy haired flaccid fool. Because some of them don’t have the political nous of a drunken Oxbridge student debater and wouldn’t realise, or care, that Rambojo is clearly planning on getting this vote passed and then tanking the negotiations a year or two down the line. Why else would the headbangers of the European Research Club have done an about face in order to vote for what is essentially Theresa “Evil Anglepoise Lamp” May’s deal?

So, for the first time in ages, I’m feeling supremely pessimistic today. Hopefully I’ll be ok with regards staying in Germany and off that fucking island but for everyone else that matters there it really fucking blows. Getting this through will mean the Tories take the wind out of Farage’s sails (which is why he’s opposed) and win back Tory votes whilst also driving Remain voters to the Lib Dems, effectively further splitting the ‘opposition’. Which means handing the key’s to the kingdom to the worst bunch of cunts possible. Which was exactly what I said would happen in the run up to the Referendum in 2016. Le sigh,

Still, there’s always one way we can get a good result today…

Victorians by Jacob Rees Mogg (RIP)

Victorians by Jacob Rees Mogg (RIP)

The recent posthumous publication of the late Jacob Rees-Mogg’s tribute to the greats of the Victorian era offered a number of surprises for avid followers of the top hatted time traveller’s career. Some were surprised that the book was published at all once the specifics of Rees-Mogg’s untimely passing during an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident last month were revealed. That he had been pleasuring himself to images of the great 1845 South Grove orphanage fire saw many speculate that this book would never see the light of day.

Many had been expecting that the former Member for North East Somerset would have penned a trite and clearly politically charged paean to the Victorian period. That he would have written a heavy handed, if eloquent, mythologisation of this controversial period of British history. What a refreshing surprise then to discover that rather than a tribute to the “tremendous energy” and “moral purpose” that is attributed to the ruling class of the period what we have is a dozen stories of debased and squalid sexual extremity. A 120 Days of Sodom, perhaps that should be Eton, for the modern day.

Rees-Mogg explores with erotic fervour, and in electrifying detail, the moral turpitudes of the day. One can almost hear the joyful gasps of the Honourable Member as he luridly and lasciviously describes the disposable nature of children used as sexual toys by the wealthy. His excitement is contagious as he describes the orgiastic writhing of the limbs of Empire across the world. But his writing reaches its greatest heights when he is discussing the depredations of the poor forced into workhouses and prostitution across the land. Rees-Mogg’s prose swells to transcendental heights as he elucidates upon the role that the corpses of the plebeians must play in raising Britain to true greatness.

This book is wonder and a great gift to the world, an erotically honest tribute to the paedophilia, abuse, starvation, and murder that allowed us to build an empire upon which the sun never set. It is a fitting tribute to an exemplary parliamentarian the likes of whom we will likely never see again but whose jaunty laugh we will surely hear in the weeping of food bank queues across this fair and sceptred isle.

R.I.P. Jacob Rees Mogg.

The last known image of the Right Honourable Member for North East Somerset
Brex-i-dee Brex-i-da

Brex-i-dee Brex-i-da

So, Brexit Day Mk. 1.0 is rapidly looming, to be swiftly followed by a sequel next month it seems. I’ve been taking a rather unhealthy interest in the proceedings in the House of Commons of late. Something that shouldn’t be surprising given as I’ve been living in Germany since shortly after the vote in 2016. I’ve also been relentlessly scrolling through #Brexit on Twatter. I don’t even like social media, let alone Twatter! Yet I just can’t help myself. It’s like picking a bloody scab (rather than lobbing rocks at them like you’re supposed to. He-he-he).

Obviously I really want the whole shit show to be cancelled. I live in Germany but I’ve not been here long enough to guarantee that I’ll be able to stay here with my partner. I really like that I can travel anywhere I want in the EU and move anywhere that I can find work. I also really like that anyone else can too. It makes things more interesting.

It’s staggering to look at it from the outside, whilst still having a vested interest, and to see the utter nonsense being spouted in the media and in parliament.

One thing that’s clear, especially when watching parliament, is the fear that politicians seem to have of annoying the people that voted to leave. Regardless of whether a) many of them have now died and been replaced with remain favouring young people, or b) many others appear to have changed their minds. Now, they’ve never really given much of a flying fuck about what the people of the UK want. We all know that.

Back in the days of cheap drugs and free parties the Neo-Labour government, and the rest of them in parliament, decided that they really really wanted to murder a bunch of people in Iraq. Something like 1.5-2 million people marched against that. The largest movement of people in the UK since the Peasant’s Revolt in the 14th Century. They basically see the British people in the same way that Richard the Second saw old Wat Tyler. They’re clearly more frightened of the right wing press like the Mail and the Murdoch.

They also make a big hoo-hah about “respecting the referendum”. Despite the clear fact that the Leave campaign were lying through their teeth. Shouldn’t they be up on charges for something like that? I suppose not because we’d have to arrest half of parliament as well. The lying bloomin’ liars.

Some of them have balls of steel mind you. The ability to keep a straight face whilst saying that a second referendum would be undemocratic is impressive. Balls of steel.

“Respecting the referendum”. What a joke. The question was basically “Who’s your favourite Star Wars character? Doctor Who or No?” The whole thing was a farce.

Shit. Are there any people on the island that don’t really, in their heart of hearts, not realise that this is all a result of a power struggle in the Conservative Party? A Conservative Party made up of millionaires who are so disconnected from normal people that they didn’t realise that many people would vote leave just to say “Fuck you” to politicians in general. Twats.

Now, given that I’m a lousy “Remoaner” who has a selfish interest in Article 50 being revoked, you could be forgiven for initially thinking that I’m some sort of EU fetishist. You know, like those tits with wanky placards and blue faces like some low-rent version of William Wallace you saw on the People’s Vote march last Saturday. See below.

EU’ll never take our CRINGE!


I get most of my UK news from the news feed on my phone so I mostly end up with articles from The Grauniad or the Indescribably Boring Independent. Middle class liberal papers that speak to and for middle class liberals. Also the only major newspapers that are predominantly remain. They often run little pieces about how “Brits in the EU” are going to be affected by Brexit. Every single one of these stories is about posh people. As I said on Twatter a while ago:


It isn’t people like this, your Tarquins and Jemimas, that will be most affected by Brexit. It’s your regular workers, both EU in the UK and UK in EU, that will be shafted. People working on ‘flexible’ contracts or working multiple jobs to make ends meet. It’s not just people with cross-border businesses that will be affected. Europe is full of borders, even if they’re only marked by a wee blue road sign, and it’s really common for people to work in an area that’s not defined by the old national border. It’s easy to live, for example, in the south of Germany and work one day in France, the next in Germany, and the day after in Switzerland. You’re screwed without freedom of movement.

So, am I ‘pro-EU’?

Not at all.

The EU is a neo-liberal club that serves the interests of the parasitic rich in siphoning wealth from the work of ordinary people like us. Fuck that shit. I’m also not one of those people who want the UK to stay inside the EU in order to reform it from within. Capitalism can’t be reformed.
Please see this instructional video for more on what needs to be done to sort that out.


But! There is no way that leaving the EU helps the people who are suffering the ravages of neo-liberalism in the UK. It isn’t austerity measures brought in by the Tories that have caused this (though they have certainly made things worse) but the way that successive UK governments have screwed over working class communities all over the island. Leaving the EU will hit in the pocket those on the island with the money. Therefore that pain will rapidly will poured downhill to hit even harder working class people from Dundee to Doncaster to Dartmouth.

There’s no credible left wing in the UK (and no, the Labour Party is not left wing) that can realistically fight to protect people from the immediate hits of Brexit; and parliament represents interests that are not ours.

Staying in the EU won’t solve the problems faced by the workers being hit hardest by government policies of impoverishment and abuse. The only thing that will sort that out is people working together to fight against said policies and said government.

Leaving the EU won’t do anything to solve these problems either. All it will do is give succour and strength to people like Jacob Rees-Mogg. And do you think that Lord Snooty gives a toss about people killing themselves because of being screwed over by Universal Credit or having to carry piss bottles with them because they’re too scared to take a bathroom break in the Amazon warehouse? Does he fuck.

As I’m writing this the muppets in Westminster are about to start voting on a raft of motions that the government has already said they are probably going to ignore. Because, you know, democracy and stuff. We’ll see whether they’ve chosen the Shit Sandwich or the Giant Douche in a couple of hours. I think though that I can firmly predict that they won’t vote to revoke Article 50 and admit that they’ve just been a playing silly buggers for the last three years. It’s like they’re in too deep with the lie. You know, like when you tell your wife that you know nothing about the massive porn bill and then she calls the papers?

Look at his face! XD Click the link for the story.

So, basically. The EU isn’t good for ordinary people but leaving the EU isn’t good for ordinary people and it also strips them of opportunities to live and work elsewhere.

Revoke Article 50
Kill the Rich
For Fully Automated Luxury Communism

Under Siege

Under Siege

Having been in Germany for a little over a year now it’s been, surprisingly, a little over a year since I’ve watched the UK news. I get some news from the UK via my news feed but I haven’t watched the BBC news since some time in the summer of 2016. This hasn’t really bothered me as, tbh, I don’t really care any more what’s happening there.

A few weeks ago I signed up for a VPN (Private Internet Access – cheap as chips and pretty reliable) so as to be able to do the whole web surfing thing anonymously after getting a bit freaked out by quite how much data I have unwittingly given away about myself. I recently set up another Facebook account using an email address which has no connection to any of my previous digital activities yet some of the friend suggestions were downright spooky.

I digress.

So, I got up at an obnoxiously early time this morning to get ready for work (9a.m. start-2a.m. finish, yay!) and decided I would use the VPN to watch BBC News on the iPlayer. Now the BBC has always been a right wing shite station. Something that makes right wingers bleating about it being ‘Marxist’ absolutely hilarious. But I was taken slightly aback about an article on people fleeing Albania and trying to reach the UK via the Basque port of Bilbao. It was the way that the newscasters referred to the upcoming story that got me. “Coming up we’ll have more on that new potential migrant route into the UK”.

…”potential migrant route into”… The way that sounds makes it seem as though Britain is under siege by hordes of ‘migrants’ trying desperately to breach her defenses. As though ‘migrant routes’ are cropping up as quickly as her brave border forces can put them down. There’s an insinuation in the wording that Britain is closed. That there are no routes in other than through nefarious mean.

Damn, I fucking hate that place. Provincial and deluded about its place in the world. Urgh. The UK should be glad that anyone wants to come to the island at the moment. Then again, I suppose some people may find Morris Dancing and goose juggling to be entertaining.

Time for work. Urgh. Again.